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It started me thinking about my own mortality. I should put a genealogy will and DNA beneficiary agreement in place so my male offspring has access to my accounts. He's not into genealogy, but I'd still like him to have access to my research. If nothing else, he can pass it on to someone else in the family or donate it. And it would give him the ability to potentially remove my DNA from uploaded sites, should there be a reason to do so in the future. I have document templates saved specifically for a this task, I've just never gotten around to doing them. But now, this is moving up on my to-do list.
Then I started thinking about my tree. Do I go ahead and show by sibling as deceased? I'm trying to be sensitive to the rest of the family's loss as well (since my tree is public and some of them do genealogy on Ancestry). No one has updated him yet (and it's hard to say when they might....loss is a very personal thing). I've decided to give it a few more weeks and I'll revisit the topic. I know my tree is mine, but sensitivity to family members is still a concern for me.
Then there's FindAGrave. Do I go grab a memorial so someone else doesn't beat me to it? I'd like it to be in the family, if nothing else. But again, a part of me feels I should leave it to the spouse to create a memorial. Thankfully (at least in some respects) no obituary has been posted, so none of the memorial hoarders have grabbed it up...yet. I wish I could broach the question directly, but I feel it's too soon. Unfortunately, delaying may mean someone else creates it. But, I guess, one of us can always go through the process of requesting it back if it happens.
I've been finding myself aimlessly scrolling through pages of hints on Ancestry for the last few days. Sure, I randomly attach a hint here or there, but I feel like I'm adrift in an ocean of hints. I'm having a hard time focusing. The other morning, I spent hours just poking around on our 2nd great grandparents, hoping to find more, or solidify some connections. I managed to fix one inconsistency with one of their children's birth dates, and identified one other potential issue (a child born a couple years before they were married). In the mother's obit, she was listed as a surviving daughter. It could be bad dates on records. It could be she was the product of another marriage, and my 2nd great grandmother was the only mother she actually knew. And to make it worse, there's a name discrepancy in some of the potential hints, she may have been adopted into the family, or maybe the hints are for a totally different person. I'm unsure at this point...so I finally gave up...for now.
I'm trying to remind myself, genealogy isn't a race. I don't have to research everyday (unless I want to). I don't have to attach some magical number of hints. The reality is, our trees are never "done". There's no finish line to cross. It's ok to take time to process whatever may be going on in life. But I'm still conflicted. My brain really wants to get lost in the routine of evaluating records and let time fly by almost unnoticed. But as I'm aimlessly scrolling, I'm unfocused and keenly aware I'm just spinning my wheels. There's nothing else I "need" to be doing right now, beyond letting myself grieve. I suppose if clicking thru hints aimlessly helps me for the moment, it's ok. Who knows, maybe one of those random clicks will open the door to something totally unexpected?
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've not encountered the question of whether or not to change the status of a loved one from living to deceased as nobody in my closest family really looks at my family tree (even though they know it's available for them to do so). Just did it when I felt comfortable with it. I was, however, the victim of one of those FindAGrave vultures who swooped in and stole my grandmother's profile. I went to create it one day less than 3 weeks after her death only to find one was already created. By a complete stranger. The day her obituary was published. I requested that they transfer ownership of the profile to me so that a family member could be the one maintaining it and they refused. They were holding on to thousands of profiles like a collection of trophies. Really very icky. You could always grab the profile and transfer it to the spouse when and if they want it. I understand the question though. I hope you're able to find some peace after you've allowed yourself the time you need to grieve. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words! FindAGrave is a tricky site these days. It has legitimate value, and I use it often, but I definitely don't agree with them letting people create and collect thousands of memorials.
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