DNA Connections - All Those Cousins

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I know a lot of people message their DNA matches and then...crickets. No reply. They try again, with the same results. Some people post about reaching out to tens or hundreds with limited results. Reaching out to newfound family is exciting, we hope we'll get a response and forge new friendships, or at least answer the question of where they fall in our family tree. For some, the requests are more pressing, such as trying to track down biological relatives totally unknown to them.

I've been relatively lucky in this respect. I've had a few people reach out to me, and I've always taken time to respond. In a few cases, they were reaching out because of findings in my tree (not because of DNA), and sometimes I believed they were incorrect. Other times, they were DNA matches trying to find the connection or just saying hello and introducing themselves. Some of these interactions have created friendships and lasting communications. Others were simply a brief passing encounter. Once, I even had someone who strives to return old photos to family reach out. While the person was in my tree, they married in and I didn't feel I was the best person to receive the photos.

Recently, a conversation with someone on my ex-husband's line made me realize I had an error in my tree (EEK!). I was so glad to discover this before I'd spent countless hours adding more incorrect people. She was so gentle when she told me how so many folks had the wrong parents attributed to a specific person. I had made the same mistake. Thankfully, it was only set of parents I hadn't added much data to. But, I was clearly incorrect when I looked more closely at the facts I'd found and a date discrepancy I'd failed to notice. The son in question is purported to have been orphaned and grew up with others, and the details on his true parents are scarce right now. I made the same error many others had, but close re-examination proved I needed to remove them from from my tree. Were it not for the DNA match who responded, I might never have realized my error.

I've also reached out to a few of my matches. Some have responded, some have not. I'm not in a position, as those who don't know their biological family may be, where these interactions are somewhat more critical to finding family. I generally have a specific reason to reach out to my matches. And I'm always very thankful when they respond. Unfortunately, most responses haven't provided me with a ton of new clues. But I still enjoyed "meeting" my newfound family members.

But may people never respond. I see lots of posts where people are frustrated and don't understand why they can't get answers. There can be so many reasons someone may not reply. Maybe they took a test at the request of a family member and have no interest on their own in genealogy. Maybe they received results they weren't expecting and haven't had time to process, or don't want to process. Maybe life is in the way and they don't have time to pursue their results. Maybe they started to research and found genealogy wasn't for them. Maybe they've passed away. Or maybe, they prefer to pursue their research in a solitary manner and don't want to talk to others. There are probably hundreds more reasons people might not answer. And really, it doesn't matter the reason. There is no right or wrong here. Only what we want or hope to happen, and what actually happens.

I think it's important to remember, the genealogy community is generally a very welcoming and wonderful group of people. Just because someone doesn't respond to a message, we shouldn't take it personally. Be thankful for the people who do respond. And don't give up! If you're a person who likes to reach out to your DNA matches, keep doing it! You never know when you might receive a response leading to a new friendship, more family or break down a brick wall.