Dead or Alive? Divorced or Widowed?

As shown in 1911 and 1912 directories 

It's tempting to assume a spouse is dead when we wee someone listed as widow or widower. Such was the case when I found my 1st cousin 3x removed listed as a widow in the "St Joseph, Missouri, City Directory" in both 1911 and 1912. Though the addresses were different (but near one another), the message was the same. Amanda was, sadly, a widow.

Amanda Hortense James (1844-1932) married Fred Smith Lathrop March 29th, 1882, when she was 38 years old. It was her first marriage. Due to her age, it wasn't surprising they had no children. I felt a bit sad for her. She finally married, only to lose her husband. But this wasn't really the full picture!

When I got around to adding the 1910 census for Amanda, imagine my surprise to see her listed not as a widow - but divorced (and living with her sister).

Year: 1910; Census Place: St Joseph Ward 8, Buchanan, Missouri

But, in the 1920 census, she was once again listed again as a widow.

Year: 1920; Census Place: Chicago Ward 23, Cook (Chicago), Illinois

There were clearly two versions of the story. It wasn't unusual at the time for a divorced woman to say she was widowed, or perhaps even still married. Divorce still had quite a lot of stigma attached to it at the time. I tended to lean towards divorced since the 1910 census was the earliest mention of it, but with conflicting information, I had to set out in search of more records.

Fred Smith Lathrop (1852-1927) wasn't really high on my research priorities list. But this glaring difference in the records made me go back and give him a second look. Turns out, I found another marriage record for him from August of 1905, when he married a woman by the name of Josefa. I also found him in the 1910 and the 1920 census (though he was misrepresented as Ted instead of Fred in 1920). But, in both cases, the unusual name of Josefa made it clear I was looking at the same couple. Fred and Josefa remained married until Fred's true death in December 16tn, 1927.

Amanda never remarried. She continued to use the Lathrop surname until she passed away in April 1932. I'll never know if she claimed to be widowed to avoid social stigma, she was embarrassed, or because the divorce had been so painful she preferred to say Fred was dead. I still haven't located a divorce record to shed light on the reason for the split, or exactly when it happened. But it was clearly between the 1900 census, when Amanda and Fred were still together, and his next marriage in 1905.

This really reminded me not to make assumptions, and not to take everything at face value. Whenever possible, it's always best to have more than one source for the most important facts of birth, marriage, divorce, and death. Granted, there are time periods when finding even one record can be challenging. And it may not always be possible to verify every date. In some cases, we just have to make an educated guess. In these cases, I try to use "about" "before" or "after" to help remind me to watch for more information, and to indicate to others I'm not 100% sure - so they will hopefully be equally cautious and perhaps locate a record I've not yet found.